What should I do???

its been more then 2 months sense i have been here........its just too hard.  i know it might sound crazy but i think i need grief consoling.  i just cant get past this.  and i am no softy.  i have been thru so much in my life.  child abuse, sexual abuse, bad boyfriends, just a super hard life in general and i am able to move on from all that without it effecting me.....but this.......the death of my baby boy Billy......i just cant get thru this.  i keep blaming myself for not noticing he lost weight and stopped eating early enough.  and the fact that we had no money probably played a part in billy not getting all the help he could have had if we had more money.  not being able to take him to the specialist because they wanted payment upfront and we had not one penny.... :(  and of course i will always second guess myself for finally after over 3 weeks of treatment at the vets.....i let him go.  would he have come out of this if i just took him home and tried to love him enough to get better?  would he have done better being treated at home?  if i never moved to las vegas 3 years ago, would he have still gotten sick?  if i didnt switch food a few weeks earlier would he still be alive, if i would have taken him to the vet a day or two earlier would he still be here?  i just..........i just cant stop thinking and crying and blaming myself and i just freaking miss him so damn much!  i feel like i want to die too!  :(

Video of Bella & Billy

Random videos of Billy & others.

I just got a call

I just got a call from Billy's vet office.  His ashes are in.  :(  Rob (my husband) is picking them up on his way home around 6.  I just know I am going to flip out when I see them.  I am so sad today.  I still miss him so much & still can't believe I am never going to see Billy again.  He was the best cat in the world.  Better then most people!  Why are there still evil people walking around but my sweet billy had to die.  It's just not fair.

Sophia

Super cute video: Hidden Kitten! Meow!

Will this pain ever end?

Thank you all for caring so much about my Billy. It’s been 9 days sense his passing & even though I am helping out an abandon kitty I still don’t feel any better. as a matter of fact I just feel worse and worse every day. I am physically hurting inside and out. my back and legs have been in such pain because my heart is totally broken. i miss my billy so much & constantly think about what i could have done different to save him. Will this pain ever end?

I sent an Angel to mommy...

Hi it's me, Billy!  I wanted to share something with you.  I sent mommy a kitty angel!  Mommy was in so much pain, I could not stand to see her crying so much so I had to do something about it.  A few days after I passed over the Rainbow bridge, I noticed a little kitty who was not being treated very nicely by her owner.  I moved the heavens so situations would align and would bring this kitties mommy to drop the kitty off at the same vet office I was in. 

This kitties mommy was NOT a nice lady.  She did not care for this kitty at all.  She just came in to the vets office and said "I have a plain to catch" and abandon this scared little kitty. 

My best friend at the vet clinic (Robyn) called my mommy and said, I know its very soon after Billy just passed but....I was wondering if you would want to give a home to this cute little girl that needs a home?

My mommy was hurting so bad (and still is very much) but she also has a huge heart and told Robyn she would come meet her.  Well when mommy met her, it was love at first sight!  New kitty, Mommy & Daddy all had a great visit and fell in love!  A few days later & New kitty was ready to come home!

Here she is!  Meet new kitty!  (mommy is kicking around a few names.. like Butter Cup & Crackers (because she is very hyper)  what do you think mommy should name her?  Please help her come up with some names.  Mommy does like to try to name us all names that start with the letter "B" for some reason.  Meow for now!

 our first meeting with new kitty at the vets.  you can tell she was scared.

 First day at home!  See how relaxed she is now!  She is home!

 Look at that face!  So pretty!

 She is part Siamese and part tabby with really pretty blue eyes.  Her coloring is super light brownish tan stripes and cream colors.  Reminds me of a perfect cup of coffee.  

Beautiful!

Hope you enjoyed the pictures of new kitty!  Remember to leave a comment and help name new kitty!  Meow.

Billy

Billy at 2 months old.

This is a super sweet baby picture of Billy when he was just 2 months old.  He is such a handsome boy!  Look at those ears!  Look at his adorable face.  I miss him so much. 

Unbearable Pain.......

I am beside myself.  I still can't believe Billy is gone.  I will never again hear his super loud purr, he will never lay next to my pillow, talk to me, meow in his special way or cuddle with me ever again.  The pain is just unbearable.  :(  Thank you all for loving and caring about my sweet baby boy. 

Sophia
Billy's Mommy.

Billy's last videos :(

These are the last three videos ever taken of Billy.  They were taken just a few minutes before he passed.  This is super hard for me, but I need to post them now, or I might never post them at all.

I love you baby boy!  I will never forget you!

Love always,

Mommy.

<3